Saturday, February 03, 2007

What Can You Do When You’re in Love with Two Men at the Same Time?

The heart can take us in many unexpected directions, and sometimes we find ourselves with feelings for more than one person. And how lucky you are if they both love you back! But now you feel like you need to choose one or the other – and you don’t want to choose. It’s an awkward dilemma.

But your first question should be, why choose at all? Isn’t your heart big enough to love them both? If they’re both pressuring you to pick one and reject the other, that’s understandable – but what’s in it for you? One way to deal with your problem is to just meet it head-on and be honest with both men. Tell them that you care deeply for both of them, and that you see no reason why you shouldn’t be allowed to continue your romances with each of them.

After all, your heart is big enough to love more than one person. You love your friends and your family, and it’s not like you’ve run out of love yet. Far from it – the more people you love, the more love it seems that you have to give. Why can’t that extend to your romantic interests?

But it’s more complicated than that. As exciting as the idea may be as something of a social experiment, there are a couple of reasons why these sorts of arrangements don’t usually work. It’s doubtful that your two gentlemen friends will be willing to share you, for one. For another, juggling multiple relationships can be exhausting – it’s much simpler to just pick one and, regretfully, let the other go.

Let’s say, however, that you try to make it work with both. You explain to them that you’re full of love, and promise that neither will feel shortchanged by you. Then sit back and see what happens. You could end up making them do the choosing for you – it’s highly likely that one, if not both, will feel that they can’t deal with this sort of tripod arrangement. The one who chooses to stay could be the one who really understands you. Then again, he could just lack the spine to stand up for what he really wants, which is an exclusive relationship.

None of this, of course, is a simple answer to the question of what to do. If you really feel you need to pick one, there are two ways you can do it: One is to follow your instincts – surely you love one man more than the other, or have a strong instinct as to which one would be the better long-term partner. There’s something to be said for the idea that really, deep down, you know which one you want to be with.

The other solution is a little more time-consuming and involves a degree of self-awareness. Take a hard look at yourself, your needs and your lifestyle and decide which of the two men will best meet your needs. It’s a little cold-blooded, and if you’re honest you may find you’re better suited to one man while more viscerally attracted to the other. But there’s more to life than sex, and if one man meets your emotional needs better and will be a better life partner overall, he’s your best choice.

Still, there’s always that intriguing possibility that you could continue to have relationships with both men, with everyone acting like mature adults and all that. There are people that make these sorts of arrangements work (look up “polyamory” on the Web) and if your two guys are willing to give it a go, it’s always worth a shot. It isn’t easy – people who maintain multiple relationships have some serious scheduling difficulties, and jealousy still rears its ugly head. But if you genuinely love both men and want to keep both of them in your life, it’s worth raising the possibility and seeing what happens.

In your heart and, somewhere, in your head you know already know what you want to do, and who you want to be with. Society insists that we choose up partners and pair off, never finding anyone else attractive and, of course, never falling in love with someone while we’re already involved with another. But what the heart wants is sometimes entirely different from what society tells us we should want – and only you can decide where to share your love.

What Men Secretly Desire!
If you have been baffled by your man’s behaviour, attitude, actions and thinking, you can finally say good-bye to all the heartbreak, rejections, and misery! With this breakthrough eBook you can take a peek into his inner world and know what your man wants and needs today! Amazing your-self and your man with this amazing package at http://www.500SecretsAboutMen.com

Save Relationship and Marriage Advice EXPOSED! Do you know that you can stop your breakups, stop your divorce and save your relationship just by learning to stop following all the usual relationship rules?? Our amazing 4-step formula works like magic to bring back your lost love, no matter how difficult your relationship circumstance is, no matter how far your lover is from you! Get your relationship or marriage restoration Formula at http://www.RetrieveALover.com

Learn how you can manage Ups and Downs in life and in relationship at http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com

The Secrets of Keeping a Long-Lasting Interracial Relationship – Exposed

Falling in love is the best feeling possible, and in a perfect world your man’s race wouldn’t matter in the slightest. After all, don’t they say that love conquers all? In a world where economic and social diversity is throwing people of all races and ethnic groups together both in the workplace and in increasingly diverse neighborhoods, it’s only natural that men and women of different races will start dating – but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy, or that everyone around you is supportive of your decision. So what’s the best way to handle an interracial relationship?

Acknowledge that it matters. It may not be an issue for you, but it can be for your friends, family and other people in your life. You may be colorblind when you look at the man you love, but others may be less accepting.

While high-profile, mixed-race couples like Seal and Heidi Klum or model Iman and rock star David Bowie are on the rise, for those of us with more down-to-earth lifestyles the acceptance of interracial relationships is still a new thing. Socially, there’s still some reluctance when it comes to embracing a Black woman dating a white or Asian man – and pretending that everyone you encounter will be perfectly accepting of your relationship will only lead to heartache when it turns out that your Aunt Bessie – or your boss, or your best friend – is uncomfortable with your relationship.

Have your answers ready. Those close to you (and even rude strangers) will ask you about your relationship, so it helps to know ahead of time what you’ll say if asked. The most common questions will concern why you’re involved with a man from another race, how your family feels about it, and if you get hassled in public.

Some people will even ask you what’s wrong with dating black men, as if choosing a mate was the same thing as choosing between vanilla and chocolate ice cream! Your best defense is to be honest, but polite. Explain your man’s good qualities, so that the person asking can see him the way that you do. If your family’s having a tough time adjusting, admit to that while giving them the benefit of the doubt that eventually they’ll understand. Of course, depending on who’s doing the asking, you can always politely say that it’s really not any of their business.

Have a sense of humor. Dating outside your race can be frustrating, infuriating and, if you let it hit you that way, embarrassing. The two of you may go out in a group with his white friends and be perfectly comfortable, then go out with a group of your friends and discover that they’re more ill at ease than his buddies were.

You’ll possibly get pointed looks from people on the street, and the cultural differences between your families might be profound. The ability to laugh at how ridiculous some of these experiences will be can make the difference between a happy relationship and one that’s strained and tense.

Be honest about the nature of the relationship. Are you hoping for a long-term relationship with this man? Many interracial marriages are very successful, but most have the support of friends and family behind them. There are challenges to any relationship, but if your family – or his – doesn’t approve, it adds a level of anxiety to your relationship that will only amplify the normal marital problems that you already have.

Use the experience to learn and grow together. There’s a world of new experiences you can bring to each other in an interracial marriage, and you have the chance to help each other grow in all sorts of ways. Each of you brings your own unique family traditions, musical tastes, food preferences, sense of humor and special abilities to the relationship, so rather than see these as drawbacks to compatibility, take advantage of the chance to learn and love new things. You can also open each other’s eyes to the way society treats people of different ethnicities, simply by talking about your daily experiences.

If he’s white, he’s probably never had the experience of worrying about whether he lost out on getting a job because of his race, while you’ve never experienced life from his perspective, either. The more you each understand the world from the other’s point of view, the better your chances of making the relationship work in the long run.

We fall in love with people for all sorts of reasons, but it basically comes down to our loving who they are as a person. While the color of their skin shouldn’t make a difference, the fact remains that you still may come from very different backgrounds, and may have people in your life who have trouble accepting interracial dating. Honesty, love and a sense of humor will do a lot to help you succeed. Good luck!

What Men Secretly Desire!
If you have been baffled by your man’s behaviour, attitude, actions and thinking, you can finally say good-bye to all the heartbreak, rejections, and misery! With this breakthrough eBook you can take a peek into his inner world and know what your man wants and needs today! Amazing your-self and your man with this amazing package at http://www.500SecretsAboutMen.com

Save Relationship and Marriage Advice EXPOSED! Do you know that you can stop your breakups, stop your divorce and save your relationship just by learning to stop following all the usual relationship rules?? Our amazing 4-step formula works like magic to bring back your lost love, no matter how difficult your relationship circumstance is, no matter how far your lover is from you! Get your relationship or marriage restoration Formula at http://www.RetrieveALover.com

Learn how you can manage Ups and Downs in life and in relationship at http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com