How To Rebuild The Relationship If You Are the One Who Strays Away and He Now Has Trust Issues

Most couples choose to remain together even after there’s been an infidelity. If you’re the one who strayed, your marriage is on shaky ground, and unless you can solve the problems that led you into the arms of another man, your marriage could end up in worse shape after your affair than it was before. But the aftermath of an affair can also be an opportunity to work out what’s wrong with your marriage and make it even stronger than it was before. But your biggest challenge is going to be regaining his trust after you cheated.

Your first step to absolutely, permanently say goodbye to your lover and focus your energies on the marriage. There will be pain and a lot of hurt feelings between you and your husband, but giving up your relationship with the man you cheated with is an important indication on your part that you’re committed to rebuilding your marriage. When followed by other promises of changes in your behavior and doing what you must to meet your husband’s needs, it’s a strong start in the right direction. But you may not have that option. Perhaps your affair ended because you and your lover lost interest in each other or maybe he was the one who ended it. Now you find yourself married to a man who’s hurt, angry, and doesn’t trust you. What can you do to rebuild your relationship under these circumstances?

For starters, you can show genuine remorse. You may not feel guilty for cheating on your husband – you may, in fact, still feel that you were justified because of your unhappiness with your spouse. And your husband probably feels that he’s not at fault in any way, either – in fact, he’s probably feeling a little self-righteous, along with his hurt and disappointment. Each of you is looking at the other as the cause of the trouble. But if neither of you take responsibility for the problems in your marriage, there’s no way you can fix them.

You’ve probably already apologized, and that’s important. But more important than you saying that you’re sorry is to facilitate communication between the two of you so that you can start taking the steps necessary to rebuild your relationship. That means that you both need to stop making the other feel guilty, and each of you take responsibility for what you’ve done wrong. We all tend to feel a little selfish when we’re hurt – we want the other person to take all the blame, apologize, and give us satisfaction that we assume will make us feel better. That’s not the way to fix a broken marriage, however.

You need to offer your husband a deeply felt apology for having betrayed his trust, and for hurting the one person you supposedly loved above all others. Your husband should apologize to you for failing to meet your emotional needs so you felt it necessary to have them met elsewhere. And then you should try to let it go so you can work on rebuilding your relationship, not dwell on the past. No matter how many times a day you think about your anger, don’t dredge up past mistakes and complaints about things he’s does wrong. Each bitter remark erodes your relationship even further, damaging your love when you should be nourishing it.

Once you start doing the work together in earnest, you need to start creating happy new memories to replace the unhappy one created by your infidelity. Certain events and places might trigger unhappy memories – Valentine’s Day might be hard for your husband, when he finds himself expected to buy cards and flowers, and celebrating a holiday devoted to romance with a wife who cheated on him. You’ll need to go the extra mile to start a new scrapbook of happy memories by spending the day doing something he enjoys, like a trip to the zoo or a car show.

By cheating on your husband, you took the risk of destroying your marriage forever. If your husband is willing to work with you to rebuild trust and make your marriage stronger, that’s a gift. It’s probably true that you strayed because of problems that existed before the affair, but that doesn’t make it your husband’s fault. Both of you need to talk to each other like adults and take responsibility for your own parts in what happened. With a lot of work, a lot of tears, and a great deal of commitment, you may be able to make your marriage better and more loving than it was before.

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More Than a Friend – How to Turn Your Guy Friend Into a Lover

Relationship are about more than sex and romance – a good relationship also requires a degree of genuine respect and compatibility – you need to be friends. So it stands to reason that a wonderful relationship could blossom with a man who’s already your friend. After all, you already have shared memories, have talked about your feelings both happy and sad, like the same sorts of food and movies, and have a similar sense of humor. Everything, in fact, that you could possibly want in a lover.

Most men will tell you that if you want to shift a relationship from being “just friends” to lovers, all you have to do is ask. But that’s not really true. If you’ve been friends with a man for a long time, he’s probably stopped thinking of you as potential lover long before now – even if he had hopes for more when you first became friends. But don’t give up hope – there are things you can do to make your friend into a lover:

1. Remind him that you’re an attractive woman. He’s probably told you over the years what he likes best about you – and you probably know him well enough to know what he finds appealing in the women he dates. So now it’s time to highlight those features in yourself and make sure he notices that you’re a flesh-and-blood, dateable woman. You don’t need to go overboard and change major things about yourself – but as friends, you’ve been comfortable knowing that head like you no matter how you dressed, without makeup, and even when your hair was a mess. If you want to take this relationship to another level, however, you’ll need to step up your game.

2. Stop treating him like a girlfriend. You talk to you friends about everything, don’t you? You gossip, complain, discuss disgusting bodily functions and talk about the other people you find attractive. It’s fun, but the first step to turning him from a friend into a lover is to start treating him less like a gal-pal and more like a man you’d like to date! Flirt a little with him, in a light, humourous way, and see how he responds. Even if the flirting seems to go over his head, on some level he’ll take note and start thinking about you differently himself.

3. Set the stage for romance. Spice up your “just friends” outing by skipping Starbucks and heading out to the park for a picnic instead. Or ask him to join you for dinner at restaurant that just happens to have dim lighting and a romantic ambience. Getting him in dating frame of mind is as much about the setting as the way you talk to him.

4. Have a sexy attitude. Let’s face it – if he’s your friend, he’s probably seen you show interest in other men, and he’s grown accustomed to be treated in a purely platonic fashion. Stop thinking of him as a pal and look at him with fresh eyes – how would you respond to him if he was someone you just met and found attractive? When you change your attitude, you’ll also be changing hundreds of little things about the way you relate to him, from the look in your eyes to the way you use your voice. Again, he may not pick up on it consciously at first, but hell definitely get the message.

5. Use your body to send a message. Our body language is an ancient and powerful tool for attracting mates – use it to your advantage! Lean a little closer to him when he talks to you, sit a bit closer on the couch. One way of sending a subconscious signal that we like someone is to “mirror” their actions – taking sips from drinks at the same time, crossing our legs the same way. Try it, and see what happens. And don’t forget to use touch. Place a hand lightly on his forearm when he tells you a joke, brush a strand of hair out of his eyes, smooth a wrinkle out of his shirt. He’ll notice the change!

Most men complain about being put in the “just friends” category by the women they know. So, who knows? He may already have feelings for you, but never believed that you’d be interested in being anything more. With a little thought, a change in attitude and a lot of body language, your friend will become your lover before you know it.

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