What Should You Do With A Man Who Is Abusive?

Relationships are always changing and the man and woman are together for many different reasons. Many men are abusive to their wife, and family but it doesn’t always mean that you have to live like that forever. What you need to get straight is that there is abuse happening. Mental or physical, abuse is an action that is demeaning and hurtful. Pain that is caused by what a man says, or what he does is abuse. A man can raise his fist and hit you, and a man can tell you that you are a sloppy bitch both are forms of abuse.

Many women actually have a hard time determining they are suffering at the hands of their man. It can be very difficult to change a man who is abusive, and it can take months or even years for this to actually happen. You have to make up your mind if you truly deserve the abuse, and what is going to happen when he relapses? After knowing, and realizing you are suffering from abuse you can continue with your relationship decisions. Many women are not going to face the facts, that a man is being abusive, but if you have come to realize you are facing a problem right now, you are ready to make some life changing decisions for you, the family and for him.

How Do You Decide Whether You Should Stay or Go?

Your choice to stay or go is going to be difficult Many women choose not to go, hoping the man is going to change, but there is actually very little hope in this. In deciding, whether you should stay or go you also need to take a long hard look at what is the root of the problem. Does he do drugs or does he drink a lot? Is this always the pre cursor to what your abusive problems are in the relationship?

If drugs or alcohol is a starting point for every major abusive battle you have had in the past, you can try to change this by demanding that he get clean. You are only going to be able to have the conversation when he is sober, and if it is not often, your choice is clear that you need to go away from the relationship. You can’t stay where you are putting yourself or the children in danger. If he is sober most of the time, you have a good possibility that you can change him that you can make him understand you want to salvable the relationship but not with the ongoing drug or alcohol problem that he has.

Will There Ever Be Any Chance of Changing Him?

A chance to change someone always exists, but it will be based on how much you are willing to put into the relationship and just how much patience you have to hang in their while the other person is making life choices. Some life choices are easier than others, and there is going to be bumps and problems along the way. Of course, if you make your demands, and your needs well known to your man, by stating exactly what you want or you are leaving, you need to stick by those choices. Stick by the choices you make and you will create a happier life for you, and hopefully for your man.

You will give you man ultimatums. Tell him he is not allowed to go the bar or go out after work. Tell your man you are not going to put up with his abuse any longer. Get a nanny cam and put it in the room. Have it turned on and when a fight breaks out you have it on camera. When your man is sober you can show him the tape, show him what goes on, and that you know he needs to stop or you are leaving. Showing a man first hand what is happening when he is high or drunk is going to open their eyes to what is really going on. Tell your man you will be there for the problems, for the difficult times, and that you still love him, but there is not excuse for how he treats you. He can have any woman to beat around, but it is not going to be you.

Can He be changed?

Very little can be done to change a man who doesn’t want to change, no matter how strong you come on about what you are going to do. What is going to be vital to your personal life, to your future, is that you express and make your needs known to the man.

Write it in a note, tell him in person, or use a method of talking to your man such as on the phone – what ever is going to be easiest on you. As you tell him what you want, that you need him to change, or you are leaving you have to give him deadlines. Deadlines make your choices clear. As the deadline comes and goes, make your plans to leave if he has not done what you have asked. If he is strong willed and changes, you will have a happy life together, if not, it is time for you to move and on seek a new life without him, no matter how much you may feel you love him.

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What To Do With A Man Whose Family Members, Including His Parents, Are Shutting You Out and Giving You Hell In Your Relationship With Your Man?

Being in a relationship with a man, is going to involve the members of his family as well. While your man may tell you that you married him, that you are dating him, and not his family it can be a difficult situation to deal with over all. No matter what does happen, you do need to remember you are married to that man, and not to his family. You don’t have to give into their every whim and need, but you can hold your head high and still enjoy life with your man, while putting those terrible thing behind you.

The children that come along with the man you are involved with are a different type of problem, but in this article, we are going to focus on the parents, the in-laws, and the extended family of the man you love, who are giving you hell, and that are causing problems around every turn in your life. The first step in solving the problem is talking about the problem with your man. As he is more aware of the situation and the problem, he will understand why you don’t want to go to the reunion, why you don’t ask his parents over for lunch and why you have emotional trips when you leave his parents home.

Tell him you are trying your best to understand and be nice, and then ask what he thinks you should do differently. It may be as simple as your husband sees something that is going on that you don’t and it will help to solve the problem. Remember your man is there to be a ‘part’ of you so he should be able to offer you advice on how to get along with his family and his parents.

How Can You Win Them Over?

Winning over the extended family in your life is going to be an ongoing battle. The first things you need to do is be nice, polite and offer communication with those you are finding it hard to be with and deal with. As you open your mind to talking with someone, you will find they are going to be amazed that you are talking with them and then they will learn you have opinions and something to offer. The process is going to take weeks, months and sometimes even years, but it can be done.

Win them over by being patient with those in the family that are most difficult. If you find your mother in law is always ready to criticize, turn it into a joke. For example, you bring over a chocolate cake, and it is a bit dry, and your mother in law has to say something about it – turn it into a joke, and say oh yes, we were to busy talking about our vacation and I forgot all about the cake in the oven.

Make the cake seem unimportant, and focus on something else to get passed that awkward part of the conversation. You could always say, yes, I like to make cakes from scratch, but today I used a box because we were so busy with running the children to soccer practice but I really wanted to bring you a surprise. This will show you are trying, and that are you are not too evil, but that you can ‘dish it out’ to those who are going to give it to you all the time as well.

What Should You Do or Not Do?

You should focus on talking about the good things in life with your in laws or extended family. Avoid talking about money problems, about problems with the children, and problems you and your man are having. Talk about the weather, the holidays, the snow, the house, talk about work, but always avoid talking about any thing that is bothering you or that is a problem in your life.

Why are you going to avoid talking about things that are wrong in your life? Because you never want to give the in laws or the extended family another reason to talk about you. You want to always seem as if you are in control, that you are in confident and happy in your life. As the in laws know you have problems, or that you are avoiding talking about a problem, the will pry until they get all the details, and make you cry. Avoid showing problems to those who are causing you grief in life, and you will find that your life will be easier to handle all around.

Do make an effort to inquire about their day, about their life, and about how the other family members are going. Do make an effort to talk with the in laws when they are visiting. Avoiding the situation is going to make the situation much worse over all. Get involved in family functions if possible, but if the situations are just that bad, tell you man you are not going to put up with it anymore. Have your man stick up for your life together, so that you can move passed this problem in life.

If the extended family really is all that bad you do have a choice, just don’t go to their home for visits. Many couples do not visit their families as a couple, and get along just fine. You don’t have to tell your man why you are not going if it is a real problem, just be busy. Get your work done, get your hair done, make an appointment with your own mother for the same day and time- avoiding the situation is not going to solve the problem, but it is going to show the in laws and his extended family that you don’t want to be involved in their little games any more.
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