How to Choose a Marriage Counselor

Admitting you need the assistance of a marriage counselor is the first step to salvaging your troubled marriage. Once you and your partner have acknowledged your need for professional help, the two of you will need to choose a counselor together. Choosing a marriage counselor is a very personal thing. The right counselor for you and your spouse is the one that you both feel comfortable with and have confidence in their ability to help you resolve your problems. You may find counselors who come highly recommended and who have helped friends and family members of yours but unless you have faith in the counselor they won’t be able to help you. Choosing a marriage counselor may be hindered by the fact that your marital relationship is already troubled but it’s important that you work together to choose the right marriage counselor if you are serious about saving your relationship.

Seeking recommendations from trusted friends and family members who have employed the use of a marriage counselor is a good place to start your search. You can take the opportunity to ask your friends and relatives what they liked and didn’t like about the counselor who helped them and use this information to determine whether or not you have any interest in having a consultation with their recommended counselor. In speaking to your friend or relative try to ask questions that elicit specific responses about the marriage counselor’s demeanor and techniques without asking your trusted source to divulge any sensitive details about their counseling sessions. You need to understand that worked for others may not help your marriage but having a few trusted persons make recommendations is a good place to begin your search.

Next, utilize the Internet to research marriage counselors in your area. Look for counselors who have web pages that describe their education, life experience and techniques for conflict resolution. This type of information is useful for deciding before you even meet them if you think they can help you. If there is anything about their website that bothers you, trust your instincts and cross them off your list of potential marriage counselors. Trusting your marriage counselor is extremely important so if there is anything that bothers you right away, then they aren’t the right counselor for you because you will go into the sessions feeling guarded which will hinder your progress.

In a relationship that is already troubled, it might be worthwhile to do the preliminary research on available marriage counselors separately. This will allow the two of you to decide what you are looking for in a marriage counselor without further complicating any pre-existing issues in your marriage. Seek recommendations from friends and family members and do your Internet research separately. Once you have both compiled a list of potential counselors compare your lists and agree to interview those that overlap on your lists. If you do not have any overlap, agree to each choose two candidates and meet with these four marriage counselors in the next step of the process.

Once you have selected a few potential marriage counselors, it is time to set up initial consultations with each of them. These consultations will give you the opportunity to meet with each counselor to get to know them a little better and learn about their conflict resolution strategies. It is also a chance to determine how comfortable you feel around this counselor and whether you will be able to open up to him or her and express your true feelings. This is also your opportunity to decide whether or not you truly have faith that this marriage counselor is the one that can save your marriage. Prepare for these sessions ahead of time by coming up with a list of questions that will help you to obtain a better understanding of the counselor and their methods. In coming up with these questions, either work together with your spouse to develop a list of questions or encourage your spouse to do so on their own so that you are both prepared for the initial consultation. As with your Internet research if there is something you just don’t trust about one of the marriage counselors in your initial consultations then trust your gut and eliminate them from your list. An initial consultation is an excellent way to get all your questions about the marriage counselor answered and to become acquainted with the counselor on a personal level. Your initial consultation with a marriage counselor is probably the most important step in determining if they are right for you and your spouse so take this step very seriously.

Once you and your counselor have met with all of the marriage counselors on your proposed list, it is time to make your decision. Hopefully, the two of you will agree on a counselor and will be able to begin your sessions immediately but if you can’t reach an agreement try another method to determining which counselor to choose. You could try a method such as having each partner rank the candidates from 1-4 in order of preference and then agree to choose the counselor who receives the lowest combined score. While this method may sound silly, it is important to remember that you are going to counseling because there is a problem in your marriage and further aggregating the problem by arguing over a marriage counselor may lead to one of the partners deciding that counseling isn’t worth it and giving up on the relationship.

Choosing a marriage counselor can be a difficult and stressful process but it’s imperative to remember that this is an extremely important decision that deserves your utmost attention. Choosing the right marriage counselor is critical to the success of the counseling sessions. An already troubled marriage can be further weakened by the process of choosing a marriage counselor so you and your partner should exercise caution not to allow yourselves to argue over this process. The right marriage counselor will be able to salvage your relationship as long as you and your spouse are committed to using the counseling to solve your problems.

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How to Catch a Cheating Partner

If you think your partner is cheating on you and feel that you have a reason to be suspicious you may be able to do a little creative detective work on your own and find out the truth. If you don’t want to do this on your own you can also look into hiring a private investigator to follow your partner and let you know definitively whether or not your partner is cheating on you. Hiring a private investigate can be costly though so if you can do a little investigating on your own you might be able to avoid this cost. While you may be able to investigate on your own to find your answer you should make sure that before you begin your investigation you are prepared for the answers you may receive. If you have your suspicions about your partner, you probably already realize that the relationship is in trouble but you also need to be ready for a revelation that could put an end to the relationship.

If you share credit cards or phones, these statements could become part of your investigation. Review the credit card bill each month to search for suspicious charges. Repeated hotel charges or charges to flower shops can be an indication that your spouse is cheating especially if you haven’t received flowers from your partner lately and haven’t spent nights in a hotel recently. The phone bill can also give you some clues as to whether or not your partner is cheating. Be wary of frequent calls to a phone number that you do not recognize. If you find these suspicious phone charges either call the number yourself or have a friend do it. You may find that it’s a friend or relative who must have gotten a new phone number unbeknownst to you or you may find that it is someone with whom your partner is having an affair. If you call the number and find that it belongs to someone you don’t know, try to get some information about their involvement with your partner without being judgmental about them. It is important to remember that this person may not even know that the person they are seeing is involved in another relationship. Another way to use credit card and phone statements as investigative tools is to ask your partner straight out about suspicious charges. If they have reason to be ashamed about the charges, their reaction will most likely give you the answers you were seeking.

Another deceptive way to catch a cheating partner is to ask questions about where they are going and take note, without their knowledge, of the mileage on the odometer before they leave and after they return. If you know where they are going you can use the Internet to determine the mileage to the location where they said they would be. When they return, make and excuse to go into the car and while you are there check the current mileage. If it doesn’t match up with what you expected from your earlier investigation, confront your partner about it. If they seem to have trouble explaining where they have been, it may be an indication that they are cheating.

Asking a lot of detailed questions can be another way to catch a cheating partner. If your partner is going somewhere without you, ask questions about where they will be and who they will be with. After they leave, wait a few minutes and then try driving to the place where they had told you they would be. If you don’t find their car parked where they had said they were going, this may also be an indication that your partner is cheating. Again confront them on this and see if they can offer a valid explanation for not being where they said they would be.

Still another way to catch a cheating partner is to pay careful attention to details. This will allow you to pick up on inconsistencies in what your partner tells you. If you often catch them in seemingly little, white lies or if they frequently offer contradicting information about where they have been, you may have a partner who is cheating on you.

Catching a cheating partner may not be a pleasant experience but it is better to find out the truth sooner than later. As unpleasant as it may be, if you have your suspicions about your partner cheating there is a very good chance that you have a reason to be suspicious. Whether you investigate on your own or enlist the help of a private investigator, catching a cheating partner may not be a difficult task.

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