How to Become a Better Listener

Listening is an integral part of the communication process but it is also the part that is overlooked most frequently. Many people spend a great deal of time polishing their speaking skills but put little or no effort into becoming a better listener. The art of listening really isn’t very difficult and you can improve your listening skills in just a few simple steps.

Perhaps the most important tip for being a better listener is to give the speaker your undivided attention. Be sure to concentrate on the speakers words and resist the temptations to tune out their message. While speaking on the phone many people participate in other activities such as checking email, reading newspapers and other activities that distract from the conversation. Even in a face to face situation many listeners zone out by either thinking about their response to the speaker or daydreaming about something completely off topic. By allowing yourself to be distracted, you are not listening as well as you could be. Even just a small amount of distraction could result in you missing a critical point of the speaker’s presentation. Focusing 100% on the speaker, however, will ensure that you are listening well and taking in all of the pertinent information.

Part of being a good listener is making sure that everything you hear comes directly from the speaker and not from your interpretation of their words. This means that as the speaker is talking, listen to the words as they are being spoken instead of trying to guess the point that the speaker is trying to make. Many people are guilty of jumping to conclusions this way and this hurts their listening ability. People who do this often don’t hear the speaker’s message because it is blocked out by their own assumptions. Good listeners take in information as the words are spoken instead of thinking ahead and forming their own conclusions.

Creating mental images of the speaker’s words is another way to become a better listener. This visualization process allows you to really comprehend the words you are hearing. Visualization techniques can enhance the way that people process information. These mental images will help you to retain the information you have just heard and this enhanced comprehension makes you a better listener.

Asking questions that relate to the speaker’s presentation can also help you to become a better listener. It’s important to ask questions without allowing the formulation of the questions to interfere with your listening. If you latch onto one of the speaker’s key points and spend the rest of the conversation thinking up a question you will miss a lot of information. However, if you ask your questions immediately when they arise, you can have them answered in the context of the presentation without having it affect your listening abilities. Asking questions is an important part of listening because it lets the speaker know that you are following what he is saying and that you are interested in learning more about the topic.

Being mindful of your body language is another way to be a good listener. Be sure to not engage in body language that tells the speaker that you are not interested in their words. Crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact and wincing are all ways that you can send a message to a speaker that you are not listening carefully to them. These mannerisms can result in the conversation being cut short because the speaker does not feel you are interested in what they are saying.

Practicing your listening skills is another way to become a better listener. Make a conscientious effort to apply your listening skills each time you speak to someone or attend a presentation. You can practice your listening skills by remaining completely focused on the conversation or presentation, not trying to guess what the speaker is about to say, creating mental images of the spoken words and asking pertinent questions to affirm what you have just heard. Each time you have the opportunity to listen try to work on these elements.

While listening skills are not as widely practiced as speaking skills, they are just as important to a conversation. Being a good listener will not only ensure that you are receiving information but will affirm to the speaker that you care about the information being presented and that you understand their message.

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Getting Beyond “He Said/She Said”

The term, “He said/she said” is often heard in the unfortunate case of rape. In this situation the term applies to the fact that when there is little factual evidence on which to base a decision the jury is left trying to determine who’s story they believe and the case becomes one of her word against his. These cases perhaps illustrate the problems regarding he said/she said that couples are faced with in a relationship. Beyond the fact that in a rape case one or both of the parties may not be telling the truth, exists the underlying problem that men and women think and process information differently. The differences between men and women include differences in thought process, sensitivity, memory, and communication. A successful relationship is one that recognizes the difference between men and women and is able to get beyond the he said/she said scenarios.

Men and women have a different thought process when it comes to solving problems. While both sexes are capable of solving problems equally well the thought process involved in coming to a resolution varies between men and women. For men a problem is an opportunity for them to demonstrate their problem solving skills in a quick and efficient manner. Men see having the problem solved as the ultimate goal and they believe that the best solution is the one that is quickest and most efficient. Women on the other hand see a problem as an opportunity to work together and reach a resolution. Women relish the chance to communicate about the problem and the act of working together to solve the problem is more important than actually solving the problem. Women may feel closer to their partner, even if the problem still exists, if she feels that the resolution process drew them closer together. Understanding that women and men view the problem solving process differently will help a relationship to prosper.

Sensitivity is another area where men and women differ. Women have a heightened sense of sensitivity relative to men. This heightened sensitivity results in women being more prone to act on their emotions rather than on rational thought. A woman’s sensitivity allows her to understand her own feelings as well as those of others better so her reactions tend to take feelings into consideration above logic. However, men do not have the same level of sensitivity and therefore are more likely to make their decisions based solely on logic and not take feelings and emotions into consideration. This disparity can result in problems during a relationship because the woman assumes that the man intentionally tried to hurt their feelings if they make a decision that has this effect while the man may grow frustrated if he believes the woman made an irrational decision. Realizing that this difference exists will help a couple go get beyond he said/she said.

Men and Women also differ in terms of memory. Men have a memory that is stronger in situations where they can recall the details of an event by making an association with something concrete such as a location or item. For example men are more apt to remember an event that took place in a location that they are able to visualize well. Women on the other hand have a memory that is stronger when they are able to associate the emotions felt with that memory to other memories where they had similar emotions. This type of memory is especially problematic because when I women becomes angry with her partner, she is often able to recall other situations where he has angered her. Unless the difference in memory is recognized it can become a source of frustration in a relationship when the man and woman don’t understand why their partner doesn’t remember something that is so vivid to them.

Men and Women also often have different communication styles which can complicate a relationship. Men tend to be more introspective about their problems and choose to deal with them internally and without discussing them with their partner. When they do decide to discuss a problem it’s usually after much thought and careful consideration. Women on the other hand enjoy conversing about their problems with their partner and believe that doing so helps them to understand their problem better and come to a solution more easily. Women often use communication as a method for reaching a conclusion. They view the discussion as a way to figure out a solution. The he said/she said aspects of communications must be understood to avoid frustration and disappointment in a relationship.

Men and women have different styles when it comes to problem solving, sensitivity, memory and communication in a relationship. Careful observance and understanding of these differences is necessary for a relationship to flourish. Understanding these he said/she said principals and being willing to get beyond them will help to minimize difficulties in a relationship in regards to gender differences.

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- Do you want to know what men are looking for in a date?
- Do you know what your man need and want in relationship, romance, marriage and sex?
- Do you want to move from being his "wife potential" to being his wife?
- Do you know that those theories or "formulas" on getting or keeping the man you love in your life will not work if you do not understand why your man think and behave the way he does?
This package is requried reading for every woman who loves a man... Get it today! Click Here