Monday, February 11, 2008

Loving a Married Man - The Forbidden Fruit!

You can’t help who you’re attracted to.

It’s true, you honestly can’t! You may find yourself sexually attracted to someone who is exactly like you, or to someone who is your polar opposite.

You can be attracted to someone who is much older, or to someone who is quite a few years younger. But what do you do when you realize that you are attracted and desperately in love with a married man?

1) The Bounds of Matrimony

Marriage is a sacred institution. Well, it used to be.

It used to be that you got married and stayed married until the day you died. Now, however, people get married often for the wrong reasons.

Look at the example set by some of the more popular celebrities. Take the former pop princess Britney Spears. She was married to her first husband, Jason Alexander, for all of a few hours before filing for an annulment.

And Lisa Marie Presley, that famous daughter of the King’s, was married to Nicholas Cage for all of three months!

Marriage now doesn’t mean what it used to, which is why, quite often, a woman will fall in love with a man who is in a disastrous marriage.
These men are often easy to fall in love with, because they are out there looking for someone to help them take the pain away from the horrible marriage that they are already in.

2) Steps To Take

The first thing you need to do when you fall in love with a married man is to get CLEAR about what you want in your life and love relationship.

Unfortunately, there are those men that take advantage of their sad situation by sleeping with as many women as they can.

These men are few and far between, but you first need to make sure that the object of your obsession is falling in love the way you are falling in love with him.

Talk to him. Explain that you have strong feelings for him and that you would like to further your relationship. Make sure that his marriage is truly rocky, because if it is not, things could become horrible before the situation is fully resolved.

Truth is, very often you are NOT really in love with the man himself; you are "in love" with going through that kind of challenges of getting a hard-to-get man!!! Most women will deny this; BUT if you really think hard about it, you'll learn I'm speaking about the truths here.

If, however, your man feels the same way about you that you feel about him, it’s time to move things forward. I have often discourage my readers to go after a married man; but it his divorce is final and BOTH of you are very clear about what you want, there is no reason why you should not pursue this kind of relationship.

The crucial thing is - be prepared to take up FULL responsibility for all that will happen afterwards. In short, take full responsibility for all the outcomes!

3) To Sleep With Or Not?

This is the tricky question: do you sleep with your love or do you abstain until the marriage is officially over.

Some condemn women who make love to men who are still married, while others, usually those who have been in the same situation, understand all of the complexities and are much more forgiving.

Divorces can take years, so the decision as to whether or not to sleep with your love shouldn’t be made lightly.

For instance, if the man and his wife are separated, that is legally as binding as a divorce. It means that the relationship is officially on the downswing and that things will most likely be ending soon.

If, however, the man is still living with his wife, you may want to wait for a bit. Society should not be able to dictate your love for each other, but remember that it could make things a bit stickier when the divorce approaches, and that abstaining for awhile can make things easier and better later down the road.

4) When Kids Are Involved

The really tricky part in loving a married man comes if there are kids involved. The best advice that I can give you in loving a man with children is to stay out of it.

Be there to support your lover, but do not try to get in the middle of any argument he and the mother of the children are having.

You can enjoy the children, and can even raise them as your own should it come to that, but do not involve yourself with the mother. Trust me when I say that.

Your lover, the mother of the children, and the children themselves will thank you down the road for staying a neutral party.

If, after a significant amount of time, your love has not officially left his wife, it may be time to re-think things.

There should be no excuses, after a year or so, of a man who has talked about leaving his wife to still be with her. It is acceptable to make an ultimatum after a good amount of time has passed, but be prepared for your lover to choose his wife.

When it comes to loving a married man, you are the woman on the side, until such a time that he makes you his bride instead.

~ Cucan Pemo
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